Heartbreaks Come from the Ego, Not from Following Your Heart

When I sat on my dorm bunk bed crying my eyes out for months on end after the person I was in love with showed little in way of caring, I cursed my heart for getting me into such trouble. I thought that my heart’s desire to be loved and taken care of had led me down the path that brought me to my knees. “My heart dragged me to the worst place imaginable and brought all of this pain into my life,” I thought.


Seven years later, I can tell you this. It was not my heart that led me into one of the darkest moments of my life. It was the wounds I hadn’t healed and my ego’s deep-rooted defense mechanisms.


The way we imagine the heart in modern culture doesn’t encompass the energetic heart. The energetic heart holds our passion for life, it houses our soul’s purpose and most importantly, it doesn’t negotiate its worth. The heart also stands as the home of the universal energy of love. Not the love you see in movies or what we characterize as romance, the energy of love equates to the energy of the universe. Only two things truly exist, love and fear. The heart is a container for love, the purest energy on Earth. It will never make a decision out of fear, only your past conditioning and the coping mechanisms you’ve built to move through life will do that.


My heart didn’t lead me into that situation, my conditioning did. My long history of feeling abandoned, unwanted and like an outcast drew me into a situation that left me so bereft. It wasn’t my heart energy that drew me to someone so detached, it was the magnetic pull of the protective mechanisms I had created to guard my ego.


The ego secretes fear into the body to ensure physical, mental and emotional safety. When you experience trauma or other difficulties in life without healing, your body becomes accustomed to making decisions from this place. Fear then takes control of who is coming in and out of your life.


When you hold an energetic vibration, you magnetize similar outcomes to you. While I was busy lamenting the stirrings of my heart, I also couldn’t escape the irony of how similar this situation was to circumstances in my past. I had attracted this situation from the fear lodged deep in my body from when I was a child and an adolescent. I wanted someone to care about me and validate my existence so badly, that I was willing to sacrifice my self-worth. My heartbreak came from the black hole of a wound begging to be healed. Finally, the universe presented an opportunity to do so when I met this person.


Instead of showing up to heal this wound, however, I simply couldn’t believe I could be led so far astray. I had chosen to be hurt, over and over again, until I had no other option but to stop engaging. Healing from this wound took years, with peaks and valleys I had not previously experienced. My ego screamed that my heart could not be trusted and that I could never let myself fall so deeply again.


To this day, I have not fallen as deeply, but that’s because I haven’t fallen in love from my ego. I discovered that my heart actually holds my deepest passions, my greatest capacity to give love to everyone on this planet and most importantly, my self-respect. As I moved through resentment and started to understand what it means to forgive and the commitment that it takes, my true energetic heart emerged. This heart stands in stark contrast to the one I thought was leading me seven years ago.


When you find a partner or situation that has hurt you or led you down a non-serving path, it’s likely an opportunity to heal. It’s only when we refuse to acknowledge whether or not the ego is driving that we prolong our suffering. Is it your heart or is it your wound that took you here? Is it your desire to love or your desire to fill a void? Are you moving from a full energetic heart or an old wound that’s looking to be filled by something external?


The true, energetic heart knows all of the answers. It knows where you want to go, what will serve you and your soul best, and it holds the most powerful energy on Earth: passion for life itself. The heart often gets buried in the entanglements of human karmic patterns carried from generations, burdens transferred from past lifetimes as well as the added-on wounds of this lifetime. That’s why when you heal, you can create a life that makes you feel joyous and alive. You are shedding the heavy, dense energy hanging on from centuries upon centuries. This isn’t your heart; it’s your ego and its sticky, deep web. Once this has fallen, the more easily you can connect with your energetic heart and listen as it pulls you towards the life you are meant to live.


Your heart knows the way. Transcend, unearth, heal. Do whatever you need to do to get back down to the core of your energetic heart. It will never, ever lead you astray.